Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
