A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
