if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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