So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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