I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
