I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
