she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
