I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
