hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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