Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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