Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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