Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
