I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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