So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
