Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
