After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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