we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
All I want is dick and wine.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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