My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
