uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
