I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
