Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
