so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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