I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I smell stomach acid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
