those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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