you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize