69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
