He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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