It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
