the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
