I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
