just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
