i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
