remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
