Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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