cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
