In the future we'll all be gay
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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