Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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