I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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