I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
