you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
