Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
