I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
