I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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