I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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