Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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