I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
