It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
