just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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