I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
