my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
