We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
