I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
