I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
