You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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