Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize