mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
