nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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