So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
