im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I deserve this hangover.
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