oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
