She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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