I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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