I CAN MOONWALK!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize