Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
