So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
