i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
