WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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