I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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