ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
