Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize