16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
