I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
