my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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