She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just gift wrapped bread.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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