I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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