wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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