Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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