can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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