I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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