If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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