She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize