I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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