she woke up with a sticky ear
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
