Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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