I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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