how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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