I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
