so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
only if we run a train.
done.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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