I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
