Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
