Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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