did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
