You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
