Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Watching her eat just hurts me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
