At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
