i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
