i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
