You really coming over, don't trick.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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