I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
