You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
