Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize