The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
