If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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