I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish I only lived at night.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
