I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
