Where is the hickey?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize