the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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