So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm bleeding and have questions
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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