We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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