I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize