he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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