Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
