i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
