Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
