I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
sarcasm needs its own font
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
